Depths of Despair OC

Depths of Despair

Still. Be still. Allow yourself rest. You'll never make it if you don't take a moment to relax your body. Now, scan your surroundings. Examine every shard of glass and cracked chunks of a once standing building. Take every molecule of dust into account. Decide where your next step will be taken. Catously lift your leg up, and gently place it down in the most strategic location for a step to be taken among the debris. Do the exact same for the other foot. Now Still. Be still...

What am I doing? Acting silly and stupid is what. I've got to stop taking this so seriously. Just because I messed one order up doesn't mean I have to be so cautious about every little step I take. So what if I failed the mission? So what if I jeoprodized all our lives. So what if Danny....Danny...oh, Danny.

Stop it. Just stop. Keep moving up. Richards needs you to do this. Don't think about the mission of the past. Think about what you have to do now. Get to the top of this godforsaken debris hill, and cover Richards with the Longshot. He'll need your help.

Danny needed your help, did you help him? SHUT UP! STOP THINKING OF DANNY! It wasn't all my fault! He ran out in the middle of the battlefield! Of course the locust would come at him! The Golden Rule of Gears is to take cover or..or..  

I can't bear it...Danny...why?! Why did it have to be you...it should have been me. It's my fault your dead. All my fault...No. No, stop this. Get up. Get up off the filthy ground. You may be at war, but that doesn't mean you can act undignified. Filthy. Wipe away the tears. You have a job to do.

Still so much ground to cover. The hill seems to go on forever. What the hell could have formed a debris hill this huge? Building collapse? Doesn't matter. Just get to the top. You've wasted enough time.

"Takisha? You there?" The voice came from my earpiece. Respond.

"I'me here Richards. This is a hard hill to scale."

Now wait for his response...

"It's been half an hour! Hurry up! I'm going to need cover down here! More locust are showing up."  

Damn it. He's angry. I hate it when he's angry. It's like I'm a child, being scolded by my father. End the conversation before he can say more.

"Roger that, Richards. I'll be there soon."

Why am I taking so long? The hill isn't that high. Not terribly steep. Has it really been half an hour? I'm only two thirds of the way up.

I know the reason. You're climbing more then just a debris hill. You're climbing a mental one. Trying to drag yourself out of the darkness, to the top, where you can see the light. You can do it. Pull yourself out of the misery. Climb away from the depths of despair, and into the warm sunlight of redemption.

Depths of Despair...why does that sound so familiar? Oh..that's right. The book. The one your mother would read to you again and again. What was it called? Anne something...Anne Shirley. That's it. Written hundreds of years ago...and you think of it now? Now of all times? In the middle of a war, whilst try to forget about...

Focus. Depths of despair...she said that in the book. Anne Shirley. She said, "I can't bear to eat when I'm in the depths of despair. Do you know what it's like to be in the depths of despair?"

Yes. I can answer that now. When you were a little girl, you didn't even know what she meant. Now you know. Now you are in the depths of despair. You let your life long friend die. You don't know where your parents are. Your brother is probably dead. And now, you can't even drag yourself up this hill. Your stuck. Lost. Lost in the depths of despair.

Now your on the ground again. What's wrong with me? Get up! Stop crying! Your a soilder! A warrior! Tough as nails! You can do this! Anne Shirley did it! That's it! No, don't drag yourself. I can't find the strength to get up. Crawl. One inch at a time. Move! You can do this! Climb! Move! Drag! Inch yourself to the top! You've almost made it! Don't lose hope! Just keep moving. Move! MOVE!

The warmth. The sunlight. Shining down on me...I feel..I feel good. You did it! Your at the top! Your out of the shadows! Out of the pain!  You've dragged yourself through the depths of despair! You can see the hope. You can feel the hope. Taste it almost. All is not lost.

Get up on your knees. Feel the warm breeze surge through you, as if refueling your hope that peace will once more be restored. Enjoy the feeling. Embrace it. You're happy.

"Takisha!? Where the hell are you!?"

Richards. Almost forgot, you still have a job to do.

"I'm at the top Richards. Move in. I got your back"

"Bout damn time! I'm going in!"

Smile. Take aim. Align their ugly locust faces right in the center of the crosshairs, and pull the trigger.

I won't fail this time. For Danny. For mom and dad. For Richards. Watch out locust, I'm past the depths of despair, and ready to have at you.